The “Problem” Woman of Color?
Is it just me, or did things take a turn?
Reality Check
It’s not just you.
There probably was a shift, and it has been accompanied by a palpable uptick in stress, heaviness, and uncertainty in your work environment ever since.
A few years ago, I was sent an infographic that tracked the trajectory of the “problem” woman of color in the workplace, sometimes labeled the “pet to threat” pattern. I was stunned—this single graphic captured years of workplace experiences and observations. It was simultaneously validating, deflating, and infuriating.
The graphic highlights the journey within a workplace for women of color. We enter and are immediately the new star who’s welcomed, wanted and applauded. What COCo labels as the honeymoon phase varies in length for individuals. However, the shift begins once the woman of color speaks up or out – defined as anything that makes her non-BIPOC counterparts uncomfortable. She may have asserted herself in a morning meeting or pushed back against discrimination, such as micro-aggressions, and sought accountability and effective change. She didn’t realize that they may not have hired her for her authentic self but instead expected the appearance of diversity and conditional inclusivity.
Keep your head down, stay quiet, and do your job—these are the unspoken rules of conditional inclusivity. But since you’ve spoken up, you’ll be expected to assume the burden of fixing the problem by leading diversity and inclusion efforts. Or you’ll be dismissed completely. You may even be gaslit and led to believe your experiences aren’t real or valid. Ultimately, a woman of color is far too often met with retaliation and detrimental labels.
Sound familiar?
“Calm down. No need to be aggressive.”
“You’re being too sensitive/defensive/ (insert condescending term here).”
“No one here is racist; this is a place that welcomes all.”
“No one has ever made these complaints before.”
And if you opt out of sitting in the toxicity and you find an exit, the narrative takes a convenient turn:
“She just wasn’t a good fit.”
“She wasn’t a team player.” OR “She was difficult.”
“She left to spend more time with her family.”
Consequences
Stressed, stifled, bewildered, confused, insignificant, helpless, and hopeless are just some of the emotions experienced while working in an environment that has no support for someone who looks like you. The weight of carrying, example after example, a broken culture and system is toxic. Over time, these experiences and feelings lead to burnout, depression, anxiety, and physical ailments, to name a few. Let’s jump ahead of all of that!
Therapeutic Tools to Help Get You Through
Here are some tools to help you cope until you can make a change for yourself. You won’t change others, and it is not your responsibility.
Maintain and/or build your self-worth!
This stress level in your work environment can start to degrade your identity and lessen your feelings of self-worth. Use daily affirmations, scripture, quotes, or whatever reminder you need to maintain and build this part of yourself. Fight against the false reality your circumstances are trying to impose upon you – don’t leave any space to question how amazing you are.
Remember, token hire or not, you had the skills and experience they need. No business is going to waste funds on token hires alone. You are a badass – take your badassery where it can flourish and grow!
Self-soothe
You’re probably thinking, “Britt, I can’t leave that easily.” I get that, too, but no worries. Here’s something you can do right now.
Jump ahead of the negative emotions by creating your very own self-soothing workstation. Hit all your five senses by:
(sight) Adding pleasing lighting
(touch) Get a massager for your office chair
(hearing) Jam your favorite tunes
(smell) Freshen the air or your body with scents that make you smile
(taste) Always have a nice cup of water, coffee, tea, or maybe a lil' somethin' somethin'…at the end of your workday, of course!
Meditative breathing and stretching
Add some meditative exercises to your morning routine.
Belly breathing: This includes a nice big inhale for three seconds or more, filling up the belly like a balloon. Hold that inhale for three seconds or more, and then release it nice and slow for three seconds or more. Repeat until you feel that relief settling in.
Stretching: Sit up comfortably in your chair, place one hand behind your back and the other on the top of your head. Slowly pull your head to one side, stretching your neck. Breathe deep, relax, and go deeper into your stretch. Repeat in the opposite direction, and then gently pull the head forward.
Journal
Journaling has always been a quick release of tension that has gotten me through. I kept a small notebook in my purse, closed my office door, and wrote my little heart out until I could regain focus on my daily tasks. You may not be the journaling type, but if you enjoy doodling or drawing, take that to the pad. The idea here is to release. Although this does not change your situation, it helps shift your energy from overwhelmingly stressful to functional.
This doesn’t have to be pretty, nor should it; the amount of stress you’re experiencing within your environment isn’t, so release it freely and unapologetically! Make sure you use those dreaded feelings words and go deep, beyond sad and mad. Truly identify what you’re feeling.
Turn the negative experiences into a blessing
There is no better way to win than to make your negative experiences work for you. You’d be surprised by how many others are sitting in the same seat as you. In your alone time, strategize and think of ways to flip the script and use your experiences to empower yourself and others. Wherever you’re comfortable, take your experiences and release them positively and encouragingly. This can be through podcasts, social media platforms, artwork, starting a support group, or even writing a book. In today’s world, you have options. Use what you’ve got, create, release, and notice how cathartic this exploration can be.
Graphic from The Center for Community Organization (COCo) https://coco-net.org/problem-woman-colour-nonprofit-organizations/
